Chatterbox Friday

I mean no.

Yesterday I finally started my application for "settled status" to avoid the wrath of Priti "Awful" Patel. It did not go well.

The EU Settlement Scheme webpages, once you start the process, have got a notice at the top saying that it's a beta version and that they welcome feedback. Considering that the scheme closes by the end of next month, this did not inspire confidence.

I did download the "EU Exit: ID Document Check" app because the alternative is sending one's passport by post. To show you that they know the urgency of returning such an important document they promise to return it to you by second class post.

If you don't have a passport or any other identification document you can click on a link to contact the EU Settlement Resolution Centre. This will take you to an error page.

Fortunately the app worked with my shiny new passport. I then had to take a selfie that made me look like a potato. Could be worse. Could have been a whole sack of potatoes.

Then I had to go through a questionnaire to reassure them that I don't self-identify as an extremist and have, for example, never knowingly encouraged genocide or war crimes. Then again, that's probably what a war criminal would say. Good luck to the Home Office with taking people's word for it.

So far, so good, but the problem started when I put in my NI number and it couldn't find any of my tax records of the last years. None at all. I can upload documentation to make my case that I've been a resident of this country for the last 5 years and have not been absent for more than six months in a 12 month period in that time. There's a limit of 10 documents to upload, which is problematic because any document with a single date is only regarded as evidence for one month. So even if you have documentation for every single one of the 60 months you are required to have evidence for, you can't upload it.

So this Bank Holiday I will be amusing myself chasing paperwork in the hope that I can cobble together something that is going to satisfy the Home Office. I've lived for 22 years at the same address, so hopefully this will not be an impossible task, but I'm always mindful of the plight of the victims of the Windrush scandal and how the Home Office treated them. One thing is for sure, with the reports of EU citizens, even tourists, being detained, fingerprinted and expelled I won't be inviting any of my family members from Germany for a visit any time soon.

But I'm sure Brexit will be worth all of this eventually.

I wouldn't call that wall of text "succinct", but yeah.

Tick tock, beer o clock

Having a G&T and about to order a Chinese take-away.

Put the keys away then!

Chicken Teriyaki stir fry for dinner. Last coffee and one of the banana muffins now. Could have done with less sugar - despite only using 2/3 of the recipes amount. Still good though.

We’re off to a pub on a whim! I’m excited! Haven’t done this for ages. Get to have a pint I haven’t poured myself.

Trouble with automatics is that once you've driven them you'll never want to go back to manual gears.

Automatic wankers.

I’ve driven automatics, several times. Hated them.

Automatics are ok. 
You just have to remember not to use your left foot.
Doing an emergency stop instead of changing gear is pretty good.

The worst i've driven is a left hand drive manual car.
I could not reliably change gear without reaching for the window controls first time.
Sometimes the gear you are in is the right gear regardless of speed.

Clutch *this*.