Chatterbox Monday

Oh looks, it’s Rolling “I’m on page 5” Escargot, come along to boost those numbers.

Hello.

I just spent 2 1/2 hours booking my appointment to renew my passport at the German Embassy and booking a return ticket to London on the day of the appointment.

It went like this:

- access the appointment calendar with a more often than not unclear CAPTCHA code, find a free slot that's not impossible to get to from Birmingham (15 mins. appointments, mornings only), fill in the form with your details, including your passport number and the appointment code for an emergency appointment

- repeat the process after the page times out

- get confirmation email

- check train times, choose affordable 1st class* return journey, get informed that seat reservation is mandatory, then get informed that the booking won't go ahead because there are no seats left and you either need to change to a different train service or a different type of ticket. But they won't tell you which, 'cause it's a secret to everybody**

- panic

- try again with a different return journey. It works!

- rejoice

- it works but the amount of money you are charged has increased. You don't care as long as you will have a ticket. The booking website won't let you review your reservation

- you receive an email confirming your booking. It shows that the system has made two reservations in two different coaches of the same train for the return journey and charged you for both

- panic

- you look for help on the train company's website. The only option you see is starting a chat

- you chat to Matt and point out that you aren't Schrödinger's cat. He says that this is very true and gives you the phone number for the train company's helpline

- you thank Matt profusely and provide positive feedback. Matt types

- you wonder whether Matt could be a 'boxer

- you phone the helpline and go through different options before you talk to Jake. Jake is very affable and agrees that mistakes have been made. He authorises a refund

- get confirmation of refund, realise that now both reservations for the return journey have been cancelled instead of just one

- panic

- phone the helpline again, go through more options, talk to woman with a Scottish accent whose name you didn't catch and book exactly the same return journey over the phone. The confirmation email comes in

- you are now too tired to rejoice

*After my recent train experience I'm staying the hell out of 2nd class. No guarantee that this is going to be any better, but we live in hope.

**Zelda reference

Gamergate.
It's about ethics in games journalism.


Shenguingate.
It's about ethics in being a cunt.
Bigging up what turned out to be the second reprint of a cartoon is utterly unacceptable.

I don't think I would authorise refunds even if I did work for a train company.

You make a mistake on my scam friendly website, you lose.

That's how we do it in the big leagues Johnson. You see an opportunity you go for it.

Chatterboxer most likely to travel first class?

I did on the London to Edinburgh train a few times as it didn’t work out much more expensive if you did it right. That and 5 hours on a train with the general public is a bit much.

I also flew to Japan in premium economy once by accident. It’s basically like economy but they coop you in a small curtained off section with all the other premium economy suckers.

Well this got through, so I'm going for no.

Err... meow?

Anyone heard from Cobblers lately?

I’d hate to think he’s in the frozen wastelands of Bristol, half out of his smock as he’s become an icicle on the way to the outhouse.

I saw this and thought of Keef...

Try THIS for size.

Virgin Atlantic don’t call it first class, it’s Upperclass and they you off the plane before anyone else and ensure your suitcase is on the belt before anyone else too.

An outhouse? Luxury. When I was a lad...