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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 16:38:42 GMT
Please, I'm just a man, I'm not a hero. The real heroes are people who have fought cancer and won. Oh... I guess I am a hero. Carry on.
Seriously though, the good ship NHS and all who sail in her are the real heroes*. Fuck anyone that tries to end the NHS, fuck them hard.
* Except the nurse who once tripped over the drip attached to my central line, she was bitch.
"Oh did that hurt?"
Did that hurt? Did you yanking on the tube stitched into my body hurt? Did you pulling at the surgically implanted tube in my chest hurt?
Yes it did. Now fuckity bye.
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 16:33:09 GMT
Those poor people. Melvazord is a monster. Well we all knew that. Its why I have that Government mandated face covering. A hessian sack that has "Warning: Monster" printed on it. |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 16:31:47 GMT
Mel I feel bad. I obviously didn't mean it, but it needs saying. I am glad you are in rude health. Thanks, but you shouldn't. Some of the worst people I've ever met were on the cancer wards. Real twats who would tell a 16 year old who has just been diagnosed with cancer all the terrible shit they've been through and how they're now on palliative care because its terminal. Thats an actual example. I was raging. I asked a nurse to somehow get the woman away from the kid ASAP. Way to give them hope FFS.  |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 16:28:28 GMT
Recovering from cancer boasting. I had the fastest recovery on record for a non-related bone marrow transplant. Take THAT Roy Castle (RIP in peace). |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 16:13:13 GMT
I've destroyed two charidee botherers, once by mistake and once on purpose.
I was staying with my old folks, where I was recovering from cancer.
My parents were out at work when there was a knock at the door. At this point I was still very knackered (but recovering) so was in my pyjamas when I answered the door. There was this middle age lady with a collecting tin etc.
She asked me "oh having a bit of a lie in?"
I replied, in a kind of confused manner because I'd been in and out of hospital for a year so it ad kind of become my world:
"No, I'm recovering from cancer"
Her face fell to the ground and she went white as a sheet.
"Oh my god I'm so sorry to have bothered you" she gibbered as she ran away from the house as quick as she could.
This confused me as well, and it was only later that I realised what had gone on.
The second time was when I was back at uni in Glasgow and some charity pest approached me and asked if I would support Cancer research. Now given that I had been part of a clinical trial, that I had to go see the specialist every three months to take shedloads of blood because I recovered super quick and they wanted to know why and the fact my family had already done loads of charity stuff I said
"No thanks, I think I've already done enough"
She looked disgusted (my face etc) and replied "Dont you know cancer breaks up families?!"
I angrily turned on her and said rather loudly, so that all around could hear "I KNOW, I've bloody HAD cancer. Piss off!"
Her fellow charity pests all looked sheepish as I strode past them, jorts flapping.
Well, thats a lot of words.
TL;DR: I've had cancer. It was a while ago. I'm fine now.
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 15:41:56 GMT
It's the beggars in town that annoy me, the groups of ruffians that hassle people for money and commit petty crime everywhere. They hang around in town as they can convince mugs to give them money and because it's convenient for the dealers. When's your next piece for the Daily Mail due? |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 15:10:23 GMT
<Stands on soapbox>
Having once been fairly close to being homeless myself, but luckily having a decent network of family and friends I did not, I can easily see how one tiny slip can grind you into the gears. As a society we really need to get away from the now all pervasive 1980s "I'm alright Jack" bullshit that the Thatcher era flung us headlong into. I give regularly to my local foodbank, but I shouldn't have to. Its the 21st Century in the UK, one of the richest nations in the world, and we have foodbanks. Foodbanks that the government are now basically using as a failsafe for their shitty policies.
The gap between the richest and the poorest has never been wider, and we could all do with a few less things* so those that the gears have mangled can get a hand up.
This year in particular has seemed really, really shitty for everyone. It truly does feel like we are back in the 80s.
Who wants this soapbox? Its pretty heavily soiled now.
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 14:00:29 GMT
I'm tired and I've got pipetter's elbow. Can someone drive me home/pub/Clifton? Thats a pick and mix selection there, it could be one or all, I don't really care right now.
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 12:10:54 GMT
Babyfark: would be dangerously close to a "your dinner is in the bin" note in my house Firstly, my partner is on maternity leave and has plenty of time to make a proper dinner. Hahaha fucking hell, you didn't say that to her did you?! |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 11:47:50 GMT
What is the end goal of Stardew Valley? If you are asking that kind of question, it is not the game for you. |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 6, 2017 9:56:11 GMT
Thanks for the welder Llama, now I can finally get this heroin going.
Games, of the board variety: Played Splendour, which is a card buy, points, gems style of thing type game...I cant explain it very well. Take my word for it though, its a very good game. Light on rules but heavy on thinking. I won 2 games out of 3 because I am the best (and also the worst)
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 21:32:29 GMT
Tent Hen is the best, Ive always said so.
IVE ALWAYS SAID SO
*fist slamming into desk emoji*
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 15:52:57 GMT
Thats the funniest thing you have ever written. ScubI echo everyone elses reply, why do you hate your dad? He likes whisky, he’s liked Johnnie walker I’ve got him in the past (or at least says he has) and Blue is meant to be the best. I’ll have to educate myself in whisky properly Your dad needs to have a good long hard look at his life. I wouldn't clean my drains* with Johnnie Walker, its garbage. Any of the following is preferable: Highland Park Auchentoshan Laphroaig (This sorts the men from the boys...and also the quite often the living from the dead.) Jura Christ, I could go on, anything but Johnnie Walker. * yes this is a euphamism |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 15:25:15 GMT
Boozehound hive mind I require your assistance I’ve got dad a bottle of ballantines whisky for Christmas already, but I’ve just seen a Johnnie walker blue label gift set for £50. Is it worth getting that instead? You had might as well just get him a copy of the latest Razzle and Monster Munch multi pack. Thats the funniest thing you have ever written. ScubI echo everyone elses reply, why do you hate your dad? |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 14:04:46 GMT
Bodger is dead. You people make me sick. Puts a new twist on the lyrics to their theme tune. "Bodger and Badger are never far away!" *nervously looks over shoulder* |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 13:04:09 GMT
What's everyone having for lunch? I'm just having a little bit of sick in my mouth, as forgetfully I left my roadkill sandwich in the fridge at home. Rat au van |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 11:32:48 GMT
Commute wildlife watch I saw a fox. In two parts. In the middle of the road. Fuck Disney. I used to photograph roadkill I encountered walking to work, sure I've got a fox in the mix somewhere. I'll find the picture later. You really are just a mish-mash of the worst parts of humanity aren't you. Wait...are you Michael Gove? |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 9:44:47 GMT
My yearly commute is around £800. Always get a seat. I didn't realise unicycles were that expensive |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 9:18:44 GMT
That's an extra £6 a month for me. They better start warming my seat. And I don't mean with tramps piss. Surely by definition any Chatterboxer's seat will be filled with tramps piss sooner or later. |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 5, 2017 7:52:03 GMT
Games: no
TV: yes. Last two episodes of Penny Dreadful series 2.
A life: no, work has banned this.
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 4, 2017 20:58:41 GMT
The art of fishing is to watch closely the flow of the tide and throw in a baited hook just at the right moment.  |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 4, 2017 18:32:56 GMT
I'd have thought that the huge problem we are having disentangling our selves from the bureaucratic nightmare that is Europe would in itself show how much we need to leave it behind. Being ruled by faceless beurocrats that no one has ever voted for sure as hell ain't for me Dont take this the wrong way, but fuck off. Fuck right off. Keep fucking off and then fuck off some more. In fact, take it however you want, but do still fuck off. |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 4, 2017 17:11:00 GMT
Anyone care to join me for a manly weep?
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 4, 2017 16:35:06 GMT
My dad does a shit Indian accent and says "Ah hello dear" when he sees an Indian person. He also does a deep voiced "Hello Winston" when he's sees black people. oooooooh-kayyyyyy, Old Man Zord isn't that bad. Fucking hell, did your dad just watch an episode of Till Death Us Do Part and think "yes sir, thats the life for me!" |
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Post by Melvazord on Dec 4, 2017 16:28:44 GMT
A wedding in a church surrounded by blooming fruit trees. Bloomin' fruit trees. 'oo do they fink they are? Did anyone else's dad vote for Brexit? I haven't asked because I'm afraid of the answer. I love Old Man Zord but he can be a right bellend about some things. He dropped the N bomb in our house once, I thought Mrs Zord was going to wallop him. |
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