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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 13:22:15 GMT
Went into shop for poly cement, came out with Necromunda set. You need a seperate book for 3D rules and campaign. GW have heard of day 1 DLC. Worst comes to worst I have the old living rulebook on PDF. Also an Xcom like Necro game is coming out. Brilliant idea.  |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 12:53:46 GMT
Everyone excited for the return of the football this weekend? My team start off playing Newcastle away, second season in a row I think? Great scheduling. Nothing doing in the transfer window either, nobody bought, nobody sold. As one of my friends pointed out though, at least I don't need to buy the new FIFA. Spurs squad remains exactly the same. Not really, the Scottish premiership has already started and its likely to be as big a joke of a league as is usual. Stevie G has been chatting shit (a 1 all draw means you're a "class above" Stevie? Did ye? aye.), but the Rangers fuck up train hasn't gotten started yet, so hopefully he will eat those words.
I imagine this year will be another case of Celtic walking it, unless a meteor hits Celtic park during an Old Firm game. (fingers crossed). Don't know if I can be fucked watching any of it.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 12:08:53 GMT
Frankie Boyle:
"I once saw an Englishman order a lager tops in a pub in Glasgow, the barman replied "we don't do cocktails""
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 10:45:46 GMT
does such a place even exist? Narnia? The lost world? EdibleVisions old gaff? It's called "at my mother's" and is situated on a small island...  |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 9:36:34 GMT
Did you use Google translate and then send or did you assume (s)he spoke English? I just assumed that the torrent of online abuse I sent their way would be recognisable regardless of any language barrier |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 9:04:58 GMT
I can't believe I read all that. Tl:dr? Mel got lapped by everyone and didn't realise he still had another lap to go when he though he'd finished. Your face isn't finished
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 10, 2018 8:57:36 GMT
The ceiling came down in the hall last night as a pipe burst. I have been up until late clearing the floor and mopping. It’s a right bloody mess. Blood-bank burst did it? Morning all. I can't imagine Baby having a separate plumbing system for pumping blood around his house.
Wee on the other hand...
Hi!
A real shitshow on Grans Tiramisu again. This fuckin game man. Once again, it put me in a lobby it reckoned I had no chance in. Numbered 20/20 the fucker. I had qualified 16th so I was ahead of the game, but what a bunch of cheating scum were playing last night. Interlagos, which is a track I'm quite good at, and I was up to 6th by the middle of the second lap, and I attempted to pass a Russian lad for 5th going up the hill into turn 6 and he just deliberately rammed me wide the prick. I lost 4 places but quickly re-joined.
Over the next 3 laps I got back up into 6th place and on turn 13 (the last real corner) 5th place (a different guy now) span off and I went up to 5th. The guy who had rammed me was in 3rd, the bellend.
As we came up the main straight for the last time I was only 4 seconds behind 3rd and 4th and was annoyed as I had been catching them and would have been right with them if there had been another lap or two. As we crossed the line, my position changed up to 3rd. The two guys in front of me had more penalties than the 4 second time gap, promoting me up. Game reckoned I'd come 20th, I came 3rd. Fuck you game, fuck you Russian Rammers* I reckon i'd have had a chance of winning that if that snake-stuffer hadn't fucked me over.
Played a little Fortnite, but it was late and I was tired** so didn't do very well.
* I rather pettily sent him a PS message to this effect, the cheating bastard. ** and am shit.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 9, 2018 21:51:06 GMT
Frrrriiidaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 9, 2018 18:48:35 GMT
I have a friend who grew up on the other side of the iron curtain. Obviously, being poor Commies meant that her family couldn't afford luxuries like pets - animals were there only as livestock. She did have a favourite amongst the pigs, but her family had that for dinner one birthday. She wanted a pet so much that someone from a local snake club* gave her a snake skin, which she then stuffed with old newspaper to make her own pet snake. *not a euphemism That's the most Soviet thing I've ever read. |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 9, 2018 15:09:22 GMT
I thought the ambulance joke was well worth the set up. I'd do it again. A bold move to like your own post. A bold move. |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 9, 2018 13:56:16 GMT
What the hell is reptile substrate when it is at home? When you're finished with your spare reptiles, you grind them up into a tasty substrate. Perfect for kids!
Oh wait, that's post-brexit. Its just coconut bark and bits that are ground up and used on the bottom of reptile and invertebrate* enclosures.
*like Michael Gove
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 9, 2018 12:36:53 GMT
Hello
I deliberately span someone on Grans Tiramisu last night. It was neither big nor clever but it was warranted, so that's fine. There are only so many times you can squeeze me off the road before there are consequences.
Its raining rather nicely here, I look forward to a decent night sleep for the first time in 2 months. Perhaps tomorrow I will be less cranky* and my brain will start working again.**
In Sinister War Dollies news, I've been building a swamp***. It is going quite well. I am at the stage where I have finished the reeds and I am now onto the banks and surrounding ground. For this I use dried herbs, reptile substrate and sand. I am the coolest.
* I absolutely will not
** It absolutely will not
*** A 1:54 scale model of Washington DC. MAGA! U.S.A! U.S.A!****
**** This is satire
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 8, 2018 14:13:20 GMT
Apparently cockroach oil is too skinky for food products but has some use for lubrication in manufacturing. So basically come Brexit will all be using cockroach oil in our food. Finally, a use for Gove. That's just rude. I've known some lovely cockroachs. |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 8, 2018 12:27:49 GMT
Back from my meeting. Went in swinging, fizzy water everywhere, fell through an open window. Went better than I expected.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 8, 2018 10:20:29 GMT
Good morning
Today I shall be unexpectedly formal, as I have a meeting with the head of European operations this morning and I have had to dress in my business attire and take more care of my appearance than I normally would. My standard look of "One of the Beastie Boys has really let himself go" is perhaps not one to be shared with the business types, it just will not do.
Last night we played Isle of Skye, where I did not win. We also played Clans of Caledonia, which I also did not win and where one of my opponents clearly cheated but I didn't want an argument so I just let it go. Personal growth there I believe.
I hope today treats you all well and that the old lady whose house Scubar has home invaded recovers from her ordeal.
With kind regards
Melvazord (esq)
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 7, 2018 12:18:29 GMT
100 solo wins? Sure. I've only got 1. But even I can get 4 kills in a match. So no.
Bitter etc. My face is bitter.
Final one just to see where Mr Zord's inventive mind goes next: I feel like I'm being lead into a trap here, so I'll leave it thanks |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 7, 2018 10:21:13 GMT
Also there are these things called timezones. Children from other countries come online and kill you slash shit talk yer 'mom' They tend to stick us Brits on the EU server for Fortnite, but you can select others if you want. There will be a worse "ping" though which I am told is bad. Its easier to find a squad on the EU servers, but less easy to find one where everyone talks the same language. I'm also pretty sure that I played a game with someone who lived inside a bathtub or some kind of lagoon, because they sounded like they were underwater. The septics, although they speak the same language, can be bloody horrible to play with, mainly because they can't hack losing and have a tendency to call people a bundle of sticks on a regular basis.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 7, 2018 10:10:50 GMT
Fair enough, we're all shit at the game etc, but they had a super easy match there. They never fight multiple teams at once, they just clean up the remnants of fights between teams and they never come across anyone that's even close to their skill level and they still barely got 10 kills between them. They walked that one. Why they even bothered to post that I don't know. Its like posting a match between the French 2018 world cup side and Aberdeen under 7s disabled all girls five-a-side B team. Its nothing to boast about.
If I sound bitter its because I am.
Is this worth boasting about? 100 solo wins? Sure. I've only got 1. But even I can get 4 kills in a match. So no.
Bitter etc. My face is bitter.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 7, 2018 9:26:33 GMT
To you Fortnite players, watch these two casually stroll to a duo victory Fair enough, we're all shit at the game etc, but they had a super easy match there. They never fight multiple teams at once, they just clean up the remnants of fights between teams and they never come across anyone that's even close to their skill level and they still barely got 10 kills between them. They walked that one. Why they even bothered to post that I don't know. Its like posting a match between the French 2018 world cup side and Aberdeen under 7s disabled all girls five-a-side B team. Its nothing to boast about.
If I sound bitter its because I am.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 7, 2018 7:21:12 GMT
Morning
Grans Tiramisu. They've finally changed the available races. Group 3 at Interlagos, what a bunch of fucking animals in the first race. Smashed wide (and getting a penalty for cutting a corner I was smashed across), rear ended, brake checked, abused after the race, just ticked all the boxes.
Gave it a second go, and the game was just taking the absolute piss. The number given on your car is the position that the game reckons you will finish, all thing being equal, based on your driver rating compared to everyone else in the race.
It gave me 16, out of 16 entrants. I was nearly 4 seconds slower than the lead car. So basically, it had dumped me in a lobby where the game reckoned I had no chance. Fuck you game.
I had qualified 15/16, so I was one up already (fuck you game), and I managed to keep it clean throughout the race, gaining positions through a combination of just smoothly driving my race and other people's errors and I ended up in 10th at the end. FUCK YOU GAME!
Then I played some more Fortnite, where I have become obsessed with 50 v 50 because that's probably the only way I will ever get another win. Its actually also a lot of fun and I managed to get 3 kills and 3 assists in my last game of the night, which is pretty good considering there are only 50 opponents.
Have to take Catzord to the vet for a tooth extraction today, poor old sod. Him, not me. Wasn't allowed to feed him this morning and he gave us such a look of utter betrayal. I think we shall suffer for this.
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 6, 2018 22:26:30 GMT
Imagine Gove trying to intimidate Putin. It's be like a turbot trying to savage a great white. Crank: also piling on with the sorry to hear that's, sounds tough It's be? I've replied to Loan Wilf too much. Fuck it, I'm leaving it, screw you edit feature |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 6, 2018 22:25:13 GMT
Imagine Gove trying to intimidate Putin. It's be like a turbot trying to savage a great white. Crank: also piling on with the sorry to hear that's, sounds tough |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 6, 2018 19:44:47 GMT
Is that Melvazord the game hater? No. I hate everything. Also, I'm not sure why they thought that, but their other posts lead me to believe they are a feeble minded child. Which chatterboxer alt account is it? |
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 6, 2018 18:24:14 GMT
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Post by Melvazord on Aug 6, 2018 18:00:52 GMT
At least the spelling would be correct... And it would have punctuation and Grammar. Aye, that grammers a reet bastard |
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